Welcome to PSU.com's hit series on the world of gaming. Join our hosts Skip Williams and Max Platinum as they give you the inside scoop on a myriad of topics in gaming. From how to catapult up the Trophy rankings to debating about the current console war, don't change that channel as there might even be some broken tables, because the debates get so hardcore!
Disclaimer: All likenesses used are for parody and/or satirical purposes.
Attorney: Please state your name for the record.
Skip: Skip Williams.
Attorney: Your real name.
Skip: That is my real name. Were you expecting some name like Hattori Hanzo or Masamune Muramasa or something?
Attorney: Ahem, Mr. Williams, isn`t it true you are the host of Skip and Max`s Prime Time Gaming?
Skip: Co-host, but yes, that is correct.
Attorney: Why has your show continued on for as long as it has?
Skip: Because we have fans.
Attorney: Hasn`t the show been called, and I quote `sad, pathetic, dumb, should be avoided, and the worst show ever`?
Skip: You also forgot to say and I quote `Hilarious, true, the best show ever, and I only come here for this`.
Attorney: What is the point you are trying to make, Mr. Williams?
Skip: What was the point you were trying to make?
Attorney: Why is your show still on the air?
Skip: It is satire, fun, and people enjoy it.
Attorney: What about all the people who hate the show?
Skip: Turn the channel?
Attorney: Turn the channel, Mr. Williams?
Skip: Turn the channel. If people don`t like the show then they don`t have to watch it. If they don`t understand it then there is always customer service and the hotline. The show isn`t rocket science, we are satire. We are not supposed to be taken completely seriously. Do you think any normal show would talk about box genies and crazy girlfriends?
Attorney: Are you claiming not to be a normal show?
Skip: If people wanted normalcy there are a billion other boring shows on the TV. We provide edgy, creative, risky material that either people will get or they won`t. I won`t apologize if there are trolls who are so stuck in their hypocritical neo-nostalgia that wants some el dorado atlantian show that is both new and old; a mix of everything they could ever hope for just long enough before they ask the same of the next show.
Attorney: Do you ever listen to yourself, Mr. Williams? Half of your rants make no sense.
Skip: That is because I`m not the ranter, that is Max `Box Genie` Platinum`s job. I ask questions so forgive me if I am ill-equipped at answering them.
Attorney: Is it true or not true, Mr. Williams…
1 Hour Later
Max: Hypocrite.
Skip: What?
Max: You stick it to me yesterday about the box genie and you can`t help but go on about it again during your questioning.
Skip: When you`re right, you`re right. The box genie is just fun to talk about.
Max: What do you think the verdict will be?
Skip: I don`t even remember the original charges. We`re being taken to court by internet trolls; goldfish have a higher attention span than them. Most likely it is a hundred different things, some not even related to the show.
Max: Aren`t we feeding the trolls by even making a show about trolls?
Skip: They can choke on it. We are a week away from E3, the biggest troll feeding ground in the world. What we do won`t even be a drop in the water to the storm that event will put on display.
Max: I don`t like this change of roles, Skip. You need to take a chill pill or one of those arteries bulging from your head is going to pop and we`ll need a new host. I can`t work with that Saikou guy.
Skip: We need to get out of the courthouse.
Max: Won`t we get arrested?
Skip: By who?
Max: Troll bailiffs?
Skip: Just sick the box genie on them.
At an undisclosed location
Skip: Did you hear if any of the new interns passed?
Max: No, The Boss cut them all loose but a couple. Apparently they thought they could just say they want to write about games and that would give them a life long job. I guess they didn`t realize they had to actually do any work.
Skip: Isn`t it interesting that with the advent of the internet and the ability for an endless amount of websites and opportunity for writers that people don`t take advantage of the opportunities.
Max: People are lazy. It is easy to write a quick one or two sentence post about something to degrade or praise it in an act of crazed fandom but to put your name, real name, on an intelligent or even non-intelligent piece of commentary takes someone with sterner stuff.
Skip: You mean it takes responsibility?
Max: Shhhh, don`t say that word so loudly.
Skip: Uh, why?
Max: You don`t want the trolls to get scared and run around with their heads chopped off.
Skip: Why do we hate trolls so much again?
Max: They are unintelligent, demeaning, degrading, moral-less, slackers that feed off anything writers write about and then spout off something for kicks without any reason or attempt at discourse.
Skip: Isn`t it one-sided to be putting the responsibility for the state of journalism solely at the trolls' door-step?
Max: Chicken and egg, Skip, chicken and egg. What came first, journalists realizing if they made troll bait articles that the trolls would up their view counts and make them look more popular than what they are, or the trolls ranting and raving about stupid, trivial details and thus affecting how popular even the most mundane of top five articles could become?
Skip: We may never know the answer.
Max: By the way, you`re not still seeing the crazy ex-girlfriend are you?
Skip: That is what ex-girlfriend would imply.
Max: Just making sure.
Skip: Why?
Max: No reason.
Skip: You`re not dating her are you?
Max: Do people not believe me when I say I don`t date white girls? What is so hard for people to believe that I have standards?
Skip: What kind of troll storm do you think will happen at E3?
Max: I made sure to put a couple weeks of provisions in the fallout basement.
Skip: That bad?
Max: Considering how venomous the internet turned into post-Xbox reveal and post-PS4 reveal, I wouldn`t be half surprised to see Sega rise from the dead to save our souls.
Skip: Do you think the companies purposely feed into trolling culture in order to hype up their products?
Max: If they are not then they are being stupid. Just because trolling is annoying as hell does not mean it is not a smart business move for companies to exploit. Kojima is the biggest troll of them all, with this entire David Hayter debacle. He is the voice actor? Is he not the voice actor? Who is the voice actor? Someone knows but a simple yes or no has been dragged on for months to hype up the new Metal Gear game. Obviously by us even talking about it proves the point.
Skip: Aren`t we being hypocrites for complaining about trolls and companies trolling but then praising those same companies for trolling?
Max: Just pointing out the obvious inherent hypocrisy in the business.
Skip: So, to sum up the entire day of mindless ranting, trolls suck, we are all hypocrites and start building a troll shelter for E3?
Max: Yep, that sums it all up.
Skip: Aren`t we trolls by even doing this?
Max: That would be the creative irony of this program.
Skip: No wonder the trolls hate us, we`re posh trolls.
Max: Welcome to the world of gaming journalism, Skip. We`re all trolls and whores, the difference being one feeds the other. One is smart enough to make the TS while the other eats the TS gladly.
Skip: Why did you want to know if I was dating my ex again?
Max: No reason
Skip: Seriously, why?
Max: Fine, but you didn`t hear it from me.
Skip: Okay, I heard it from the box genie.
Max: Well, I saw her with Rebekka when I was waiting for you outside the courthouse.
Skip: What does that have anything to do with me?
Max: They were pretty close.
Skip: So?
Max: You know, close close.
Skip: Again, why do I care if they are bi?
Max: Shhhhh, don`t say that so loud.
Skip: Let me guess, trolls?
Max: No, the censors.
Skip: The censors?
Max: Yeah, cause it corrupts the moral integrity of young people.
Skip: Great, another moral dilemma to deal with. As always for Max Platinum, I`m Skip Williams saying good night and good gaming, live from some random back alley street of Tokyo. Join us next time when we discuss morality in gaming.
Max: Do we eve have a show anymore?
Skip: Why wouldn`t we, Max?
Max: We just spent a few hours in court testifying. I want to know the verdict.
Skip: There is an allegory in here that explains it.
Max: Allegory, right, like I read the transcript of the show that closely.
Missed an episode of the program? Check out the back issues to get up to speed. Want so see if the writer is just as crazy as the characters he has created? Check out his thoughts and adventures in Japan, gaming, and life on Twitter and Facebook.
No comments:
Post a Comment