How to Prevent Emotional Abuse

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Pin ItArticle EditDiscussEmotional abuse can take a variety of forms, from humiliating jokes to degrading comments, and it's not always easy to spot. Here's how to recognize the signs, and remove emotionally abusive behaviors from your relationship.

Edit Steps

Part One: Recognizing Abuse1Notice common forms of emotional abuse. Not all abuse happens to the same degree, or in the same way. However, there are a few clusters of behavior that usually constitute emotional abuse, including:[1]

Humiliation, invalidation and criticism: You feel like you're constantly being put-down, judged, or told that you're being too sensitive.Domination, control and shame: You feel infantilized, and you find yourself asking "permission" to engage in regular activities.Denial and unreasonable demands: The other person cannot accept blame or apologize, and he or she consistently denies or embellishes facts.Isolation and neglect: You're subjected to the "silent treatment," and denied affection or attention as punishment.Codependence: Your personal boundaries are consistently violated, and the other person relies on you as their sole emotional support.2Be aware of gaslighting. Gaslighting is the slow process of being led question your own sanity or reality. It's a particularly subtle form of emotional abuse, but it can have extremely damaging consequences. You might be suffering from gaslighting if:[2]

You constantly second-guess yourself.You're always apologizing, even for insignificant or non-existent errors.You know something is terribly wrong, but you can't put your finger on it.You struggle to make simple choices.You find yourself wondering if you're too sensitive.3Familiarize yourself with the characteristics of a healthy relationship. It can be difficult to recognize abuse if you have no idea what a positive relationship looks like. If you feel like you're missing out on the majority of these things, though, you might consider the possibility that you're being emotionally abused:[3]

Good will and emotional supportThe right to your own feelings and opinions, even if they differ from the other person'sEncouragement of your interests and accomplishmentsA lack of physical or emotional threats, including angry outburstsRespectful language that steers clear of name-calling or put-downs

Part Two: Addressing Emotional Abuse1Bring up the problem in a calm environment. Throwing down an accusation of emotional abuse in the midst of a heated argument — even if your claim is perfectly legitimate — is a recipe for disaster. Instead, consider these less confrontational alternatives:

Ask the other person if you can have a calm discussion. Instead of bringing up the term "emotional abuse," say that you think there are things that both of you could work on to make your relationship better. Use plenty of "I" language, such as "I feel like I'm being infantilized when I have to ask permission to go out," instead of hurling accusations that start with "you."Write a letter. If you feel like a reasonable, relaxed talk is out of the question, put your concerns to paper. The benefit to this method is you can make sure that you're saying exactly what you mean in a way that's constructive as possible. Write out a few drafts, and try to avoid directly accusatory statements that will ignite the other person's anger. For example, instead of saying "You make fun of me and I hate it," try "I feel like I'm being mocked and humiliated."2Ask for support. Having a trusted friend or family member weigh in on the situation can help you feel like you're evaluating it objectively, as well as validating your feelings. Additionally, if the emotionally abusive relationship breaks down completely, it'll be nice to have someone to lean on as you transition out of it.

Don't choose a mutual friend. Someone who feels obligated to the other person in the emotionally abusive relationship is not a good choice for this role. Instead, try to confide in someone you know well, but who doesn't have any particular obligation to your abuser.Avoid the pit of despair. It's absolutely legitimate to vent to a close friend when you're having a tough time, but don't make that the sole focus of your relationship. Otherwise, this person will think you're just using them to complain, and you'll have another toxic relationship on your hands. When you feel like you've crossed the line between venting and wallowing, shift your attention to something more uplifting.3Seek professional help. If the situation has escalated to the point that you can't address it by yourself, contact a licensed mental health professional. Find a therapist or counselor that specializes in emotional abuse, and make an appointment as soon as possible.

If money is a concern, look up state-administered mental health services available in your county. Or, if you're a university student, contact the student health center.Whether or not you want to save the relationship, it's important to see a professional. If your abuser isn't interested in participating, then you can simply focus on healing your own wounds and moving forward.If you feel like you're in a dangerous situation, leave the abuser's environment immediately. Stay with a friend or family member, or contact a local abuse shelter.4Break the cycle. As you move forward, avoid repeating the behaviors that were so prevalent in the emotionally abusive relationship.

Be wary of allowing yourself to be abused by someone else. If you find yourself falling into the same victim-like patterns, stop immediately.Don't adopt the actions of your abuser. You might find yourself needing to exert power and dominance over other people so that you don't feel victimized, but resist.

Edit TipsIf you can't turn to the authorities because your abuser is a police officer, a politician or anyone who has a lot of power in the system, plan your exit carefully. Save some money before going, hide it from your abuser and then relocate across state lines. Choose your new state carefully for having the best laws to deal with your separation and divorce laws regarding community property. If possible move in with supportive friends and family so you're not alone in your new place and get a good lawyer even if you have to use Legal Aid.If you cannot leave the abuser because of family reason — e.g. your kids like their father very much, even their father makes a rotten husband — remember that you are doing good in keeping your family together and you are making that sacrifice and you are a good person, do not despair. Seek help from twelve step groups like Al-Anon (good for codependency even if there isn't alcohol involved) or counseling. Insist on marriage counseling as a condition to stay with the abuser. Even if you have moral or personal reasons to stay married, such as being Catholic or not wanting to deprive the kids of their father or mother, you can separate temporarily and insist on counseling. It does help.

Edit WarningsEmotional abuse can turn into physical abuse. Once there is physical abuse, it is much more complicated. Seek police help and make a diary. Keep a written record in a safe place and document every incident with its date. Use your phone or another camera to get photos of any injuries and date the photos on the back. If you get a friend to take the photos, get the photographer to sign the back of the photos and date them too as witness.

Edit Related wikiHowsHow to Overcome and Prevent Further Emotional AbuseHow to Prevent Abusive RelationshipsHow to Avoid Being Abused

EditSources and Citations? http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/20/signs-of-emotional-abuse/? http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted? http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=168Article Info Featured Article

Categories: Featured Articles | Domestic Violence

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How to Prevent Varicose Veins

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Pin ItArticle EditDiscussVaricose veins—gnarled, dilated blood vessels that occur most frequently in the legs—affect about half of the adult population of the United States. They are generally caused by pressure in the veins that, over time, weakens the vessel walls. For most people, varicose veins and spider veins (their smaller, capillary-based cousins) are merely unsightly nuisances, but they can also make walking and standing extremely painful, and in extreme cases, they can cause skin ulcers. While there is no sure way to prevent the formation of varicose veins, there are a number of things you can do to decrease your chances of getting them.

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Staying Fit1Exercise regularly. Walking and jogging improve circulation in the legs, and proper circulation helps ward off the development and worsening of varicose veins. Exercise also reduces overall high blood pressure and strengthens your entire circulatory system.

2Avoid prolonged standing. Standing in one place for a long time increases venous pressure in the legs and feet. Over time, this pressure weakens the blood vessel walls. Since prolonged standing is almost unavoidable in some jobs, mitigate the harm by shifting your position as frequently as possible, and try to walk around at least every 30 minutes.

If your job can be performed while sitting, see if you can arrange that. In some cases, a high stool or chair can be used to keep you at the height needed to deal with customers or activities, rather than standing.3Sit properly. Sit up straight and don’t cross your legs. Good posture improves circulation, while crossed legs restrict blood flow to and from the legs.

Pursuing Basic Preventative Health Measures1Maintain a healthy weight. Excess weight will put undue pressure on your legs and circulatory system. Reducing weight will reduce the risks of varicose veins in many instances. Develop healthy eating habits and avoid foods with high calorie and low nutrition content. As well, exercise regularly. Through healthier eating and regular movement, you’ll help to reduce your varicose vein risk.

Be aware that some people are more prone to developing varicose veins than others, regardless of weight. In this case, it is still important to stay fit and healthy but you may need to speak with your doctor about other ways to reduce the risk.2Quit smoking. Smoking contributes to myriad health problems, but if you need one more reason, keep in mind that the high blood pressure associated with smoking also helps cause varicose veins.

3Avoid taking high-estrogen birth control pills. Long-term use of high-estrogen birth control pills has been shown to increase the risk of varicose veins by altering circulatory valve functioning.[1] If you require birth control for an extended period of time, ask your health care provider about other options.

Relax More1Put your feet up for a while. Especially if you have to stand up for long periods, take time to relax your legs and improve circulation by elevating your legs and feet for several minutes throughout the day or when you finish your shift. With your doctor’s blessing, you might also try using an inversion table or elevating the foot of your bed so that your feet are slightly higher than your head when you sleep. Taking pressure off the legs and letting gravity act on your body a little differently from time to time will help prevent blood from pooling in the veins.

Using Clothing Wisely1Redesign your wardrobe. Improve circulation to your lower body by avoiding tight-fitting clothes on your legs and around your waist. Prefer softer, less clinging clothing, such as yoga pants and track pants.

Wear comfortable, low-heeled shoes instead of high heels, and make sure your shoes are properly fitted.2Wear compression hose. If you’re developing varicose veins, try regularly using compression hose (support hose). These can be purchased at medical supply stores or pharmacies and come in a variety of different compressions.

Check with your doctor or pharmacist to make sure you get the proper fit and compression level.If flying, discuss getting compression hose with your medical adviser. These can help reduce strain on your legs and may be helpful for preventing the worsening of existing varicose veins.

Getting Medical Treatment1Consider medical options. While the steps above can help prevent the appearance of varicose veins, stop new ones from forming, and reduce the size and painfulness of existing ones, medical treatment may be advisable if you are in severe pain or if these less severe methods don’t work. Treatments include sclerotherapy, laser surgery, and vein stripping. Consult your physician to determine the best option for you.

Edit TipsVaricose veins are more common in women, but they affect a large number of men, as well. The older you are, the more likely you are to develop varicose veins, but they can form at any age, and heredity may be a factor in their formation.While varicose veins are generally not a serious health concern, they can indicate potentially more harmful conditions. If you see varicose veins developing, take the opportunity to get a full medical checkup and discuss your health with your physician.Most insurance plans in the United States cover treatment of varicose veins. Spider veins are also occasionally covered. In other countries, check with your own insurance or government-funded provider.Icing where the varicose is usually works or a hot rag to relax the muscles and pain in your feet! Smiles!

Edit WarningsSee your doctor immediately if a varicose vein begins bleeding, if you experience sudden pain or swelling in your legs or feet, or if you notice a lump developing in or near a varicose vein.It is not advisable to try and "break up" a varicose vein with any form of manual therapy, such as massage or vibration. This can cause an embolus, which can, in turn, get lodged in the capillaries of the heart and cause a heart attack, the brain and cause a stroke, or the lungs and cause a respiratory infarction. All of which can lead to death.Beware expensive, unconventional therapies. While most such "treatments" are harmless, they are also usually ineffective. The same can be said of herbal supplements that claim to cure varicose veins. Some supplements may indeed help prevent or treat the problem, but the jury is still out, and many companies make unsubstantiated claims. Always check with your doctor before using an herbal supplement. Physicians may not be able to confirm or refute an herbalist’s claims, but they should be able to discuss potentially harmful side effects of certain herbal preparations.

Edit Related wikiHowsHow to Prevent Spider VeinsHow to Start Your Own Exercise Regimen and Stick to ItHow to Exercise While Sitting at Your ComputerHow to Calculate Your Body Mass Index (BMI)How to Get Rid of Black Circles Under Your Eyes

Edit Sources and Citations? http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/contraceptivepills.htmCleveland Clinic, http://www.clevelandclinic.org/heartcenter/pub/guide/disease/vascular/varicosespiderveins.htm - research sourceMayo Clinic, http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00256.html CNN.com - research sourceArticle Info Featured Article

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